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Loving is Not Being Loved

One thing that I've heard that makes sense and I know would have done me a great deal of good to listen to at times is that you cannot measure someone's love for you based off of what you do for them.


Does that make sense?


A better way of putting it is that you cannot love another into loving you the way you want. Either they will or they won't. It's up to them how they feel about you, not you.


Love is not something you can force. At least not the love you feel someone should have for you anyway.


You may have heard of women who talk of men in their life who they "thought they could change" if they loved them enough. And some fellas have said this as well.


Too many of us try to "save" people that simply do not want to or feel that they need to be saved.


First rule of thumb, be yourself.


If you are not yourself and put up a front in order to win someone over, they don't really love you....the real you, do they? You've heard it before: Stay true to yourself. Yourself will thank you in the long run.


Secondly, be honest with yourself.


If it's not working out. And you know exactly when it's not working out, so stop pretending. It may be difficult and hurt like the dickens, but walk away. The hurt you will feel in the end if you don't will be much worse. Trust me on this.


Third, it is okay to love, but love without expectations while keeping your standards.


It's easy to lose your standards in the chaotic process of trying to manipulate what you expect out of the person you "love" oh so very much. Standards? You know. Those guidelines and principles that you live by daily that help direct your decision making. It's the personal line in the sand you draw for your own good. Like, when a woman says I only date men who hold the door open for me or when a man says I will not date a woman I would be too embarrassed to bring home to my mother.


It is good and maybe even noble to accept a person for who they are but if the situation proves dangerous to you in some way, leave them and it right where it is. It will help you avoid being in an unfulfilled, unhappy relationship, heavy with resentment and even hatred.


Side Note: Hate is very ugly and has the tendency to turn you into someone you don't even recognize. It is a harsh reality when you look at yourself and no longer know who you are. That's the moment when you ask, "how the heck did I get here?"


There are many replicas of love such as money or the biggie, sex. But at the end of the day, when the other person is a compliment to you as you are, improving your current state of being and showing up when it counts regardless of the benefit of self-gratification, that is no replica, you may have yourself a winner.


However, if you find that you are the one who is settling, changing, being available, and giving without it being reciprocated, something's got to give or you will find yourself with nothing left of yourself to give to the next love who happens to truly love you the way you deserve.



Controlling me, loving me, keeping me's standards and hoping you will do the same for you,


Peace of Mind and Blessings,


Mel K


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